Day 4

Early, early in the morning... couldn't sleep.

But I have found some additional resources on the internet that will help when we travel... a GF restaurant guide, for one. Did you know Outback Steakhouse offers a gluten free menu? I would never have guessed it!

But the chopped salad (my favorite thing there) isn't on it. Sigh.

Talked to my sister last night. She had already gotten a foot of snow when I called. And she has to be back at work this morning at 9. I'm really glad I don't have to leave the house until Wednesday! On the other hand, she isn't being anywhere near as sympathetic as I'd like. I still want someone to hold my hand and agree with me that this is just a horrible thing. And she's being all practical. (Which is normally my job...)

Carabba's Italian Grill also offers a GF menu. As does Cheeseburger in Paradise. Of course, theirs consists mainly of "order without the bun" notations, but still, they're trying.

Okay, I'm going to try to find something for breakfast that isn't going to kill me. (And I am still going to ask how much is *really* too much as far as gluten goes.

Nobody reads this, so I'm safe here...

To vent. Really spew raw sewage out of my fingertips. Rage at the powers that be, and the insanity that is (and will continue to be) my life.

Do you know what Celiac Sprue is? Do you know the only treatment? Well, allow me to enlighten you.

Celiac is an autoimmune reaction to the proteins in wheat, rye, barley and sometimes oats. In other words, all the things that we depend on for grains in this particular part of the country.

The one and only treatment? A gluten free diet. Free. Which means none of these things in anything I ingest. Not in foods, drinks, medications, lip balms, deodorants, skin creams, nothin'.

(No I don't ordinarily ingest deodorant or skin cream, but evidently the gluten found in them can somehow make its way inside and cause a reaction.)

I'm mad. Rabid dog mad. Foaming at the mouth mad. I am sick and tired of this stupid autoimmune business. I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally volatile at this point, and I am just not at all certain it is worth the sacrifice for this additional stupid thing. I'm mad at my parents, my grandparents, my ancestors. I'm mad at my body for failing me once again.

I'm mad as hell at my brain for not being strong enough or smart enough to deal with a stupid thing like gluten. I'm mad as hell at my intestines for being such wimps that they can't heal. I'm mad at my doctor (not the gi one, the other one) for not believing zebras even exist, much less that I might present with one.

I'm mad at Whole Foods Market and Trader Joe's for not having any stores within 50 miles of my home. And for having incredibly high prices. (I know... the stuff is hard to come by, so the prices are higher. I never said I was going to be rational today.)

And damn, I'm mad that there isn't something that can be done about this.